March 20, 2011

It's the little things in life...

Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. ~ Gandhiji

I would first like to say how unbelievably blessed my life has been, I could have never dreamed of the happiness I have experienced, with that being said I have also had a alot of fear, heartaches, grief, anxiety & depression all resulting from bad situations growing up... we'll just say I had to go thru alot more than any child should and that I never really got to be a child. You would think that one person can only take so much and sometimes I won't lie it feels that way, I have suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my life, I think its both hereditary and situational. I won't lie sometimes I just get so lost in worry, I worry  alot  WAY too much. I worry about my child the most, she is the literal light of my life, God could not have made her more perfect in my eyes, I have sinned (just as everyone has) but I know that I am a good person and I still have no idea of how I ever deserved her...all I know is I won't ever stop noticing how absolutely wonderful amazingly beautiful, loving and sweet and smart she is. Words really can't describe how I feel for her...alot of the time I just watch her playing and I find myself tearing up, I honestly don't think she will ever know how much I love her, I know that she will know that I love her more than anything and she is the most important person to me.

I had a rough traumatically horrid experience when I had my c-section, it scared my husband much so that he is just now considering whether or not he wanted me to go thru all that again just to have another child. I would go thru that over and over again if it meant I had bella in the end. I would LOVE to have another child, so that bella (and if I have another child) can have eachother to love and grow up with, to share everything with, she loves other children so much I KNOW that she will be a wonderful big sister... but with that being said if I only have bella, my heart is already complete...nothing is missing, it would just mean if we did have another sweet baby that our family and hearts would just grow bigger ;)

So my sweet bella are just a few of the things I have noticed about you ;)
( at 21 months of age)
You look like your daddy... you are me  made over...the way you act the looks you give and everything
Spaghetti is your favorite food & you hate eggs 
Your whole face lights up when you have my laugh when I was your age 
you can count to seven but you only say 2, 5, 6 & 7 you want me to say the rest..the same with the first half of your abc's
you say thank you after everything that anybody does for you or gives you (most of the time, lol) especially when i give you kisses
I say " hey boo" every morning when you wake up and even though you are not a morning person just like your mommy;) you always smile and say "hey" back.
sometimes you laugh and talk in your sleep
you love spongebob, & yo gabba gabba
you are so much smarter than I sometimes realize, you understand EVERYTHING I say and tell you!
You love dogs and kitties and playing outside!
You have never let me put bows on you, even when you were a baby you would pull them off
you said your first word at 4 months : dadda
you took your first steps at 10 months
you hated your first bath but have loved them ever since

my sweet girl I could go on about you for days, I will always love and support you and I already know you will exceed all of my hopes and dreams for you! I'll always be your biggest fan and supporter- momma<3